I will be the first to admit that I had been one of those parents who thought that letting your baby "cry it out" was one of the meanest, most heartless, cruel things a parent could "do" to their child. But I also have to admit that as of this time last week, Aaron and I were at the end of our rope. Jacob was waking up as many as 15 times per night, ranging from 6 times in one hour to an occasional 4 hour stretch. We always ruled out hunger, but it seemed there was absolutely nothing we could do to keep him asleep. The minute either of us would pick him up, he'd fall right back asleep, but usually awake again shortly after being put back down. In fact, Aaron, who has been adamant about not having him in bed with us after the first couple of weeks, said last tuesday night, "Kate, I don't think I can do this anymore; if he has to start sleeping with us again, fine." So, over the last few weeks, during my spare sleep deprived moments, I began scouring the internet for recommendations on overcoming "frequent night wakings." Turns out, this is an incredibly hot topic in the world of parenting. I think the only more hotly debated topic seems to be co-sleeping with your baby. Basically, there are two camps: the "you're the parent and got yourself into this, so be a good parent, DEAL WITH IT, and tend your baby when he or she cries"; and the CIO (cry it out) no matter how long it takes camp. I would say that I definitely lean more towards the deal-with-it camp, because it just breaks my heart to hear him cry and I do feel like it is my job to help him navigate this tender time when he really cannot communicate whether he is crying b/c he is teething, has gas, needs to burb, is scared by himself in his crib, etc. The solution I decided to go with was the "Ferber Method" which some would say leans more toward the CIO camp. But I got the book (Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems by sleep scientist Richard Ferber) on Wednesday afternoon, read nearly all 300 pages and began the program late Thursday afternoon. It uses a "progressive waiting" approach to putting your child to sleep and helping him fall back asleep on his own, both at nighttime and during naps. Basically, you make sure to put the baby down to sleep while he is tired, but still awake. He will cry. You leave the sleeping area for 1 minute at first, then you can go back in and talk to, pat, calm your baby w/out picking him up. Then you can go back at 3 minutes if he is still upset, do the same thing; then back in at 5, 7, 10 minutes if he hasn't soothed himself to sleep. The next day, these waiting periods get longer (starts at 3, then 5, 10, 15). The thing I liked about this was that I could go check on Jake at let him know that he hadn't been abandoned. So although he cried at first, it was
mad, but not
scared or
sad. So I waited for him to get sleepy, swaddled him up tight at usual, and, instead of boucing, rocking, walking him to sleep, I sat down in my rocker, sang "Jesus Loves Me" two times through and, holding my breath, laid him down in his crib. He cried for 30 minutes straight. It felt like 2 hours. Aaron came home while this was going on to find me sitting there, sobbing. I felt like such a terrible, awful parent. What kind of parent does this to a baby, I wondered, soaking in guilt and tears. First attempt: failure. Never fell asleep when we made it to the allotted crying time. I picked him up and he just clung to me and tried to catch his breath. We were both relieved. Thursday night, could barely keep him awake enough after nursing to put him down awake. It seems so counter-intuitive to wake up your child to put him to sleep; however, this is a critical part of the learning process, Dr. Ferber asserts. So we did just that, woke him up enough to know that he was being put down; he fussed for about 30 seconds, and fell asleep. Jacob only woke up 0nce thursday night to eat and easliy went back down until 5 am friday. Friday morning naptime came and once he got tired, we did the same routine: swaddle, sing Jesus loves me in the rocking chair and laid down. He was not happy. I walked out to my bathroom to grab my toothbrush. I could hear him wailing from his nursery. Here we go again, I thought. Instead, before my Sonicare had gone through its two minute cycle, Jacob had soothed himself, and fallen asleep! Fluke, I thought to myself. But the other two remaining naps were equally easy, as was Friday nights sleep, again, waking only once to eat and then staying asleep until 6 a.m. This is not a fluke! It is an absolute relief! It's like all along Jake has wanted to be able to fall asleep, but has not known how! I am so proud of him. Last night, for the first time ever, HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! 8 pm-6 am! He didn't even wake up to eat. This morning, Aaron rolled over, looked at me, and asked "Did our son just sleep through the night?" "Yes he did." "Praise Jesus." I agree. Praise Jesus. He has so kindly guided us through what could have been an incredibly rough transition. I was so concerned that some trust/abandonment issues could have arisen, but that certainly has not seemed to be the case at all. Instead, after just 3 days, we have a son who is happier, more rested through the day, and has taught himself the life skill of being able to put himself to sleep. I am so very, very thankful. What a sigh of relief. We'll see how tonight goes......
